Satan’s Plan to Take Over Rock Heaven

In case you missed it over at Mike Ladano’s blog, I am putting on my latest story. Satan plans to take over Rock Heaven and sets his plan in motion. Will he succeed? Read on and find out.

Takeover of Rock Heaven

Part 1- The Plan

Somewhere in Hell:

Satan walked into the room waiting to address the assembled gathering, when he was distracted by a commotion. His security was holding back Adolph Hitler and Saddam Hussein, who were demanding to be let into the meeting. Calmly, he walked over to where the commotion was coming from. “Look,” he said sternly, “I said clearly that you two aren’t coming in here.”

“You need us,” Hitler argued.

“No we don’t ,” Satan returned. “This isn’t a military operation, otherwise Julius Caesar would be here. Even it if it was I still wouldn’t have you two in here. You both demonstrated your military incompetence while you were on Earth.”

“But you have Vlad the Impaler here,” Hitler protested.

“He’s here for a different reason,” Satan explained. “Besides, if we have to kill any prisoners, we have your man Werner Poetsche. Now go before I go back to shoving pineapples up both your asses. “

With that, Hitler and Saddam were marched away and the door was closed. Satan let out an exasperated sigh before sitting at the head of the long table. As he sat down, Vlad questioned, “Why is he here?” pointing to Dave Holland.

“Because I should be in Rock Heaven,” Dave snarled back. “I’m only in Hell because of a bollocks conviction. Fucking Elvis used that to not allow me in, damn him.”

“Enough!” Satan boomed, his thunderous voice shaking the room. It achieved its goal in silencing all. “Mr. Holland is here at my request. He will help us in rounding up all the key members of Rock Heaven and he can get some revenge.”

That’s right,” Dave affirmed. “They’re all a bunch of assholes. They wouldn’t let me in but I bet when that woman beater Tony Iommi dies , they’ll let him in.”

Satan sighed again. “They probably will. Some religions look favourably on men hitting women. That’s another reason why I plan to take over and have summoned all of you here. There should be no Rock Heaven, most of those rock stars should be with us here in Hell. You are all going to help plan my takeover. I have had a mole there since 2003 and he’s been feeding me information whenever he can.”

“A mole, that’s a brilliant idea!” Al Capone complented. “Who is he?”

“You’d be very surprised,” was Satan’s reply. “My mole did get me into Rock Heaven when some mortal went back in time to try to wipe out heavy metal. So, now it’s the perfect time to act.”

“Couldn’t we take our legions and just storm the place?” Vlad suggested.

“It’s not that simple,” Satan explained. “The other side has a fail safe. If we simply invade, we risk all out war with Heaven, I mean the real Heaven. We don’t need that, so we have to be more cunning.”

“Is that why Julius isn’t here?” Caligula inquired.

“Exacty why!” Satan affirmed. “And why we can’t risk an all out war with Heaven. The last time that happened, Heaven’s forces were commanded by George S. Patton who studied Caesar’s strategies and thwarted him at every turn. We got our asses kicked.”

“So tell me exactly how we are going to take over Rock Heaven?” Charles Manson probed.

“Yeah, you know once we act, those two Canadian super-heroes and their companions will try to stop you,” Dave Holland pointed out.

“I know,” Satan conceded. “But I have a plan. Those two super-heroes will be on a wild goose chase and while they’re distracted elsewhere, we will make our move. Besides, once we take over Rock Heaven, I think the town of Thunder Bay will thank us. They’re not happy with those super-heroes or the musicians in Rock Heaven for putting on that concert which nearly destroyed their town.”

Somewhere in Rock Heaven:

Martin Suplee’s head was pounding once again. He hoped he might have had a reprieve this time around. After all, Rory Gallagher and Jeff Beck were more blues guitarists, likewise with Dusty Hill on bass. Even with Razzle on drums, he thought it might not have been the metal he was constantly being bombared with. However, he couldn’t have been more wrong. They turned up the amp and bombarded him with power chords and blistering guitar solos. His head was throbbing by the time the session finished.

The throbbing began to ease as he was escorted back to his cell. In one way, he was lucky. Most of the time, he was subjected to sessions involving Lemmy, Jeff Hannemann and Cliff Burton. Those sessions left him with the feeling his head was going to explode in scanners fashion. “I guess I should be grateful,” he thought to himself as he entered his cell.

He needed no force to go into the cell, it gave him respite from the constant jamming of decesased musicians from the genre he tried to erase from history. Had it not been for this time alone, he would have gone mad ages ago. Several of his hench-persons who had travelled back in time with him urged him to admit that he was wrong in trying to erase metal from history. He stubbornly refused. If anything, constantly being bombarded with heavy metal from dead metal musicians only strenghtened his belief that his cause was right.

Suplee was still thinking this over, at least when he could because even in his cell, he was still able to hear those musicans playing. At that moment, it was Warrell Dane, Eddie Van Halen, Lorne Black and A.J. Pero who were assaulting his eardrums. Suddenly, he was distracted by shuffling at his cell door. Suplee turned and saw a singer, who didn’t sing heavy metal and he admired somewhat, standing at his cell’s entrance.

Before he could say anything, the singer put his finger to his lips and whispered, “I’ve come to get you out.” With that, the singer beckoned and Martin Suplee followed. Stealthily, the pair tiptoed through Rock Heaven and somehow, nobody noticed them. They carried on until they came to a huge door.

“This is the way out,” the singer directed.

“Where will I go?” asked a rather perplexed Mr. Suplee.

“Why, to Hell of course,” the singer responded, trying to keep down the volume of his voice. “Why, if anyone leaves Rock Heaven, the only place they can go is Hell. My boss is expecting you. He will assist you in ridding the world of heavy metal.”

Suplee opened his mouth to ask for more details but the singer had mysteriously vanished from sight, leaving him on his own. Not knowing what else to do, he thought to himself, “It’s worth a try” and pushed the door open and stepped through. As he entered a strange void, all he could think was “Maybe there was still a chance that he could wipe heavy metal from ever existing.”

Back in Hell

Satan waited along with those he assembled as the figure materialised before them. “When it did, he addressed the confused new arrival, “Welcome to Hell, Mr. Suplee.”

Bewildered, Mr. Suplee looked around the room. Why he actually was in Hell! He recognized Satan as he was responsible for him being in Rock Heaven. If that wasn’t enough, he recognized some of those with him, chiefly Al Capone and Charles Manson. Plus the were two other men and a woman, who he assumed was Lizzy Borden, due to her clothing. One man was in medieval dress, the other in a Roman toga. However, the remaining man bothered him. He was dressed in heavy metal attire. Therefore, he sensed a trap.

“Who’s he?” Suplee asked pointing to the metal clad Dave Holland.

“Why, he’s part of my plan to take over Rock Heaven!” Satan laughed louldy sending vibrations around the room. “All those metal musicians should be suffering here in Hell. Don’t you agree?”

Mr. Suplee nodded, “What do you want me to do?”

Satan explained, “What you didn’t know when you went back in time to destroy heavy metal from existence is that when those in Rock Heaven created heavy metal, one of the blueprints they used was Nazereth’s “Hair of the Dog” album. What you need to do is go to this Metalman’s house and steal his copy. You can get your revenge on him as well for his assistance in Tee-Bone Man and Superdekes defeating you. When you steal that album, Metalman will call for the super-heroes and they will come to stop you and you can defeat them.

“How can I defeat them? Last time, I had a special device but they neutralized it. Now I’m just an ordinary human.”

“That’s where I come in!” Satan boomed. “I can give you powers that will help you defeat them.

“Then give me those powers,” Suplee demanded. “And I shall defeat those meddlesome super-heroes and wipe heavy metal from history!” His laughed resembled those from cartoon villians.

“Very well,” Satan chortled. He pointed his trident at Mr. Suplee and the transformation began taking place. Suplee let out a long blood-curtling scream as large black wings began growing from the middle of his back. However, he took the pain as a new aura overcame him. When the wings had fully grown out, his clothing mysteriously changed to black robes. A few seconds later, the transformation was complete and Suplee felt different.

“Arise,” Satan commanded.

Mr. Suplee stood tall. He spread out his new wings fully, nearly knocking into Al Capone.

“Your transformation is now complete,” Satan informed. “You can know go and destroy Tee-Bone Man and Superdekes.

“Yes, I will have my vengeance on those two,” Suplee snarled before he mysteriously vanished.

Once Suplee had gone, Caligula asked, “Do you think he’ll succeed?”

Satan mischievously replied, “He doesn’t need to. All we need is for him to keep the super-heroes busy long enough so we can make our move on Rock Heaven.”

I hope you enjoyed. Once again, I’ve been covering a lot of colleague sickness at work so I haven’t been able to post as usual. Hopefully, that will change soon.

Great Metal Albums of 1989: Lizzy Borden- Master of Disguise

It’s a good thing I now go back and read posts from bands’ albums which came out previous to the band I’m writing about. In the case of Lizzy Borden’s “Master of Disguise,” if I hadn’t done so, then this post might have gone a different direction. When I first listened to the album, I thought that Lizzy was heading in a more progressive metal direction, which the album is. However, after re-reading my post on their previous album, “Visual Lies,” they were heading in that way on the last few tracks of that one.

The only remaining members of the band on the album were Lizzy himself and drummer Joey Scott Harges as long term guitarist and songwriter, Gene Allen, departed the band. Therefore, other musicians were brought in for the guitar, bass and keyboard parts, although Steve Lukather wasn’t one of them. Now and it’s probably me thinking too much, I wonder if there is any relation to Gene’s departure and the new progressive metal direction.

“Master of Disguise’s” progressive sound comes through on the opening title track. A theatrical keyboard introduction welcomes the album in but it’s not long before Lizzy Borden remind you they’re a metal band. The track gets and holds your attention. More evidence of the progressive comes in the form of the ballad like “One False Move.” It’s an acoustic number, less that three minutes but it would fit in nicely on a concept album. After that, we get the intended single, at least there’s a video to it, “Love is a Crime.” Once again, Lizzy Borden have a song which is totally suited for commercial radio play but never got picked up. Further proof that commercial radio has sucked since 1985.

For me personally, the middle part is my favourite part of the album. Tracks four through nine really make this album what it is and could be why it is Lizzy Borden’s highest charting album. Starting the party is the charging straight forward melodic metal tune, “Sins of the Flesh.” This one has me head banging away even through the more prog rock sounding guitar solo. It would have been my choice for hidden gem had it not been for the next track, “Phantoms.”

“Phantoms,” is the song which completely defines the album. Like the opener, it starts off with a scene setting keyboard influenced intro and then going into an acoustic instrumental after which transforms into a cool metal tune. I really love the guitar solo on this and I would love to know which of the contributing guitarists on the album plays it. Furthermore, Lizzy is at his vocal best with both the lead and backing vocals.

The next four tracks don’t disappoint either, “Never Too Young” has a piano intro before going metal, which would have gotten a thumbs up from Jon Oliva or so I’d like to think. The guitar solo and vocals are really good on it. The coolest intro comes on “Be One of Us.” It is none other than Bach’s “Toccata in D Minor,” which for movie buffs is also the theme song for the 1975 film, “Rollerball.” Again, the rest of the song is pure metal. I would be repeating myself in regards to “Psychodrama” and “Waiting in the Wings,” but who cares? They are both cool tunes.

Penultimate track, “Under the Rose,” is similar to the second track, an acoustic, ballad like number. Closer, “We Got the Power,” sounds like it’s recorded live and the way it’s done, it’s the best way to close the album.

Track Listing:

1. Master of Disugise
2. One False Move
3. Love is a Crime
4. Sins of the Flesh
5. Phantoms
6. Never Too Young
7. Be One of Us
8. Psychodrama
9. Waiting in the Wings
10. Roll Over and Play Dead
11. Under the Rose
12. We Got Power

Lizzy Borden

Joey Scott Harges

Lizzy Borden- lead and backing vocals

Joey Scott Harges- drums

Additional Musicians:

Ronnie Jude, David Michael Phillips, Mike Razzatti- guitar

Mike Davis, Joey Vera, Brian Perry- bass

Elliot Solomon, William Kidd- keyboards

Tim Stithem- additional percussion

Brian Coyle, Jacques Voymont, Jerry Moore, John Chuboda, TJ Santos, Tim Taylor- horns

Black, White and Brown Orchestra- backing vocals on track 12

As stated previously, “Master of Disguise” is Lizzy Borden’s most commercially successful album. Could it be the more progressive metal direction? Possibly or maybe it’s because it’s just a good album. This album puts Lizzy Borden firmly on my list of American artists not to have cracked the UK.

It is now my sad duty to announce the passing of former Cockney Rebel frontman, Steve Harley, who quietly passed away at his home age 73. Rest in Peace Steve.

Next post: Bitch- A Rose By Any Other Name

To buy Rock and Roll Children, email me at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

To sign the petition for a knighthood for Bruce Dickinson, click the link: https://www.change.org/p/special-honours-committees-for-knighthoods-a-knighthood-for-bruce-dickinson

Deep Black Rainbow- The Full Concert

Ronnie James Dio was doing a marvellous job as master of ceremonies for the New Year’s Eve festival but now he had to prepare for his own band’s performance. Therefore, after introducing Metal-Head, which consistied of Mike Howe on vocals, Jeff LaBar on guitar, Lemmy on bass and Joey Jordison on drums, he left to get ready. Fortunately, Elvis was more than happy to step in temporarily.

Bright spotlights shone down on the King as he walked to the centre of the stage. “Are we having a good time?” he asked the audience. The response was a raucous cheer. He continued, “Now, with Cozy Powell on drums, Jon Lord on keyboards, Jimmy Bain on bass, Criss Oliva on guitar and Ronnie James Dio on vocals, I’m delighted to give you, Deep Black Rainbow!”

Red lights slowly illuminated the front of the stage. As they rolled back, a mediaeval setting began to reveal itself. Two black knights holding two-handed swords stood as sentinels at either side of the stage. The lights continued to roll back further spotlighting Jon Lord’s keyboards and Cozy Powell’s drum kit before finally showing a painted castle at the very back of the stage. A foreboding thumping beat came over the intercom whetting the audience’s collective appetite.

Suddenly, riffs of a familiar song crackled through the air and in a flash, Ronnie James Dio appeared at front centre stage with Criss Oliva on his left and Jimmy Bain to his right. Jon and Cozy were in their respective places. Like all the bands who had played before them, the members of Deep Black Rainbow all looked las they did in their prime. Ronnie and Jimmy looked as if they had just recorded the “Holy Diver” album. Likewise, Jon looked like he did when Deep Purple made “Machine Head” and Cozy could have been in Rainbow in the late 1970s. The second Ronnie put his lips to the mic and let out the first words, the crowd went wild. The fervor carried on as he continued to sing:

“You got desire, so let it out.

You got the power, stand up and shout”

The instant Ronnie sang “shout,” floodlights lit up the stage and cast its beams out into the audience. A few might have had some apprehension when it came to the guitar solo as to how Criss Oliva would handle it. They weren’t disappointed. He didn’t stray from the original solo while at the same time, putting in his own style. It carried the song to the final chorus when Ronnie pointed the microphone out to the crowd who screamed back in unison, “Shout!” One song in and the band had the audience eating out of their hands.

The crowd had not time to catch their breath as Ronnie started singing:

“I’m a wheel, I’m a wheel

I can roll I can feel

But you can’t stop me turning.”

Ronnie’s voice and power chords brought the crowd back to life and when the time came, they roared back, “The man on the silver mountain.” The song illustrated how tight this band was as they were wowed by the Rainbow classic.

At the conclusion, Ronnie finally addressed the audience. “”How are we? Are we rocking out tonight?” I feel particularly priviledged to be on stage with these guys. It’s like old times with Jimmy and Cozy and I’m glad Criss and Jon were able to join us. Speaking of Jon, I think he should start the next song.”

Jon Lord needed no further encouragement as he immediately went to work dazzling the crowd with his keyboard wizardry. The audience showed their appreciation and then the rest of the band joined in treating everyone to “Black Knight.” That was followed by another Rainbow classic, “Tarot Woman” with Jon still doing on the keyboards what he did so well in the mortal realm.

“Thank you, thank you,” Ronnie showing his appreciation on behalf of the band. “This is a song Jimmy and I did when we were in our own band, it’s called ‘The Last in Line!”

Multicoloured lights flickered as Criss Oliva began on the guitar. Ronnie came in with:

“We’re a ship without a storm

The cold inside the warm

Light inside the darkness that it needs, yeah

We’re the laugh without the tear

Cold without the fear

We are coming,”

The entire stage lit up as he sang, “Home!” Once again, it sent the crowd into an hysterical frenzy. Criss’s power chords and Jon’s keyboards were supported by the rhythm section of Jimmy and Cozy and reminded all as to what a great song they were playing. Ronnie’s vocals spearheaded the fabulous song and when it came to its too soon conclusion, Ronnie sang, “We’re the last in, we’re the last in..” and then pointed his microphone out to the audience who screamed back, “Line!” He put the final stamp on the song with a very melodic, “We’re the last in line.”

Waiting for the thunderous cheers to die down a little. Ronnie addressed the audience. “As you know, I worked with Jimmy and Cozy while we were alive on Earth and I know Jon from when my first band, Elf, toured with Deep Purple, but none of us have ever worked with Criss here before and we are very fortunate that he agreed to join us. So, our next song is from the band you all know Criss from, Savatage, and the song is, ‘Hall of the Moutain King.’”

Criss responded by playing the opening notes with a renewed gusto and when the rest of the band joined in, it sounded just like it was meant to. Ronnie’s vocals when he sang the title sounded beautifully melodic. Furthermore, Criss’s guitar solo had everyone screaming in appreciation. At the very end, Ronnie put his own stamp on it when his unique voice sang out, “Madness reigns, in the hall of the mountain king!” before Cozy concluded with a spectacular drum roll.

Four members of the band abruptly walked off the stage leaving Criss on his own. He needcd no prompting as to what to do as the guitarist immediately began playing his guitar and overawing the crowd with his six string magic. Criss frantically moved his fingers up and down the neck of the instrument, pausing now and then so the audience could roar their approval. Those four minutes in the spotlight seemed like mere seconds as before anyone realised, the rest of the band came back ready to continue.

“Criss Oliva on the guitar!” Ronnie declared. His guitarist responded with some light acoustic notes. No one could be sure if the audience was expecting it but they still showed their delight at “Temple of the King.” The dimmed lighting and spotlight on Ronnie illustrated the somber mood of the song. When it finished, the next chords Criss struck set the entire venue into near madness as the next song just happened to be “Children of the Sea.”

After the final “look out” at the conclusion of the epic Black Sabbath number, Ronnie again had to wait for the crowd to finish voicing their approval. When it died down enough, Ronnie gave a cheerful, “thank you” before announcing, “This next song is a new one, written by all of us and you’re hearing it for the first time. It’s called ‘Decieve the Devil!’”

The intro was a subtle guitar backed up by the organ. Ronnie began singing in a ballad mode to this slow accompaniment. Suddenly, a power chord was struck along with a note from the bass and a brisk drum roll from Cozy and things suddenly began to speed up three tempos. The harder rock got the audience clapping along as Ronnie shifted his vocal style. For those listening closely, “Deceive the Devil” could have been the offspring between “The Last in Line” and the Savatage monster, “This is the Time,” but no one really cared, they just enjoyed the song. Two verses and chorus sung, Criss stepped into the spotlight and cranked out yet another killer guitar solo.

When one could have thought the song was winding down to its end, the stage suddenly came to life. The two knights on either side of the stage moved about ten feet into the middle. Lasers shot back and forth across the stage with small explosions when they hit. The warring knights caused such a spectacle that the audience hardly knew the song ended as the battle continued on for a few minutes more, delighting all. When the battle ceased, the two knights returned to their posts at the sides of the stage with the crowd still shouting their delight and American fans breaking out their cigarette lighters.

Four members of the band exited the stage leaving Jon Lord alone at his keyboards. Several spotlights shone down on him as he demonstrated his keyboard wizardry and those in the stands demonstrated their delight. Jon produced sounds that had many who were watching and listening scratching their heads wondering how he did it. However, it wasn’t just the sounds he was making which captivated the audience. Bright lights shot out of the keyboards and a florescent display on the back wall treated all to a marvellous light show. It was a wonder that Jon’s solo only lasted four minutes.

“Jon Lord on keyboards!” Ronnie called out when the rest of the band returned. Jon continued on his keyboard, but now he was playing more familiar notes. Jimmy joined in on bass and guitar and drums followed on and before anyone realized, Ronnie was singing “Woman From Tokyo.” When that Deep Purple classic ended, it was Cozy’s turn to show what he could do on the drums. He needed no encouragement as he hammered away on the skins with some amazing drum rolls. After wowing the crowd for five minutes, Jimmy came back on stage and joined him playing bass along with Cozy’s drumming. Again, the audience showed their appreciation.

When Ronnie, Criss and Jon joined the other two on stage, they unleashed their second original. “Fear in the City” was a slow, bluesy number done in a stoner rock style, much reminiscent of the band Ronnie was in before he left the mortal world, Heaven and Hell. Nevertheless, the audience ate it up, Criss’s blistering guitar solo might have helped.

“The next song describes of all us,” Ronnie declared. “We are all rock and roll children!” While the audience screamed their approval, the band launched into the song. The energy was felt all around. At the chorus, Ronnie again pointed his mic out to the crowd who shouted back, “Rock and roll children!”

Ronnie melodically responded, “Alone again.” He pointed the microphone back out the the crowd who again shouted back, “Rock and roll children!” To which he sang back, “Without a friend, but they got rock and roll.”

The back and forth happened again when the second chorus came around and then again after the guitar and keyboards solos, went back and forth with the audience until the song’s conclusion. However, Ronnie didn’t give the audience any time to recover, “Here’s an old one, ‘Rainbow in the Dark.’”

They didn’t need a breather as the audience bellowed their appreciation for the Dio classic. When it finished to raucous cheers, Ronnie addressed the crowd. “We might not be in the mortal plane any longer but rock and roll lives on! So, help us go out on a high, long live rock and roll!”

Both band and auidence were so full of energy there was no indication both had been fully engrossed in the show for an hour and a quarter. The Rainbow classic got the place jumping and Ronnie got the fans to sing along one more time. He would sing, “Long live,” and the audience screamed back “Rock and roll!” If the sing along, the light show and the efforts of the band wasn’t enough, Deep Black Rainbow had one more trick up their sleeves. Right after Criss’s guitar solo and while Ronnie repeatedly sang the title of the song, a mechanical dragon, much like the one from Dio’s “Sacred Heart” tour rose up from behind the drums and greeted the crowd, blowing smoke from its nose. Furthermore, it appeared to acknowledge everyone sitting in the audience. It remained with the band and even took the final bows with them before they left the stage.

There was absolutely no way the audience was going to let Deep Black Rainbow get away that easily. In one loud voice, everyone roared and screamed for the band’s return. This went on until throats began to get sore and even that didn’t stop many. It was only then the band triumphantly returned to the stage.

“You all rock!” Ronnie saluted as his bandmates got to their instruments. A few familiar keyboard notes from Jon and the band was all in.  Then, Dio, beckoned to the side of the stage.  “Come on!” he motioned.  Then Elvis appeared, waved to the crowd, and grabbed a microphone.  Chuck Berry returned to the stage, duck-walking to center stage as the crowd screamed in approval.  Criss Oliva followed, plugging in his electric guitar so familiar from the Gutter Ballet album cover.  He was followed by Randy Rhoads who plugged into another stack of amps.  The final guitarist, Tee Bone Man himself, had the honour of standing between the two legendary axemen.  His face was humble and his eyes were made of joy.

Eric Carr and Clive Burr emerged, carrying tambourines and shakers.  Brian Connolly and Kelly Groucutt were behind them with microphones in their hands.  Cliff Burton just had a beer, while the two Charlies weren’t quite sure how they fit in, but were just glad to be there.  Paul MacLeod had returned, and simply grinned at all the rock majesty from the side of the stage.

A few familiar keyboard notes from Jon and the band was all in. The crowd roared as Ronnie sang, “Nobody’s gonna take my car, I’m gonna race it to the ground,” and when the appointed time came, the audience sang back, “I’m a highway star!”

Keyboard solo followed guitar solo behind floodlights which shone down on the audience. Each time the line would come up, the crowd continued to shout back, “I’m a highway star!” to the very end.

Nothing moved as Jon continued on the keyboards which played more notes which seemed very strangely familiar. With baited breath, everyone listened in anticipation for the guitar to kick in and then every head bobbed in unison to the rhythm and joined Ronnie in singing, “Holy diver, you been down to long in the midnight sea, what’s becoming of me?” Heads continued to bob and the crowd sang along even more as the Dio classic entirely lit the place up.

“We have time for one more,” Ronnie announced. The familiar guitar riffs of an all time classic sent all into mass hysterical frenzy. Criss and Ronnie led the procession as everyone joined in the party that was “Smoke On the Water.” An amazing light show accompanied the iconic hit and if Ritchie Blackmore had been there, he would have taken out a court injunction against Criss forbidding him to play it again, as he totally nailed the guitar solo. Jon followed on with one more amazing keyboard solo and then a brief drum solo from Cozy.  Charlie Parker’s saxophone joined in for “Smoke”, while everyone sang along to the indelible chorus. The end came too soon as the audience screamed their heads off and cigarette lighters lit up the seating area. Ronnie graciously thanked everyone for coming and enjoying the show and being so wonderful. All of Deep Black Rainbow came together, took their final bows and exited the stage.

All of Deep Black Rainbow came together, took their final bows and a few heavenly hugs.  The band glimmered bright, and faded away in a giant cascade of stars.  Tee Bone remained alone on stage.  Speechless, the man stood before them for an achingly long silence.

“Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, friends from near and far…I don’t know what to say!” He paused, unsure how to finish.  Ultimately, he went with his guts.  “People…let’s see the Kiss Avatars top that!  You just witnessed the greatest rock show of all time!  Let’s hear it!”  The crowd screamed in eternal gratitude, for there would never be a show like this one.  “Now let’s count, because it’s almost midnight!”  A massive clock was projected on a screen behind him.

“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…wooo!” screamed the rapturous attendees.

“Happy New Year!” screamed Tee Bone at the top of his lungs.  “Welcome to 2024!”

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80smetalman Note: For those of you who have read “Rock and Roll Children,” you may be wondering why the concerts in the story weren’t so intense as this one. After all, one critic slated the book calling the concert account ‘bare bones stuff.’ The answer is quite simple, when I wrote “Rock and Roll Children” I attended all but three of the concerts mentioned in the story and went strictly from memory from concerts I had seen 25 years prior. Furthermore, unlike Hollywood, I wanted historical accuracy. Therefore, everything that happened in those concerts, I actually witnessed. For the NYE, concert above, I had no such restrictions and therefore let my imagination go wild. I would like to thank Mike and everyone else for allowing me to contribute to this great story.

Rest in Peace Jon Kennedy

Jon Kennedy

I have just learned of the death of former Cradle of Filth bassist, Jon Kennedy. He was 46. His tenure with Cradle of Filth wasn’t that long, only just over a year back in the 1990s but his former band mates still remembered him fondly.

For the full story: https://www.metalsucks.net/2023/09/27/former-cradle-of-filth-bassist-jon-kennedy-dead-at-46/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=

Rest in peace Jon.

Rest in Peace Terry Funk

Terry Funk as NWA Champion in 1976

It is my sad duty to announce the death of long time wrestler Terry Funk. Terry had a wrestling career which spanned over four decades, his greatest achievement was winning the NWA (National Wrestling Alliance) Championship in 1976 and holding the title for 14 months. In the mid 1980s, he came to the then WWF where he was best known for scalding his defeated opponents with a branding iron.

Another great icon is lost this year and I’m sure Terry will be joining his contemporaries in Wrestling Heaven.

Rest in Peace Terry!

Go Beyond the 1980s?

When I first began 80smetalman’s Blog way back in 2011, my purpose was to highlight the music from what I called the ‘Golden Age of Heavy Metal,’ also known as the 1980s. The other purpose was to boost sales of my book “Rock and Roll Children,” which hasn’t panned out the way I had originally hoped. In any case, I have had a lot of fun doing so and it has been a learning experience for me as much as many of you.

Now I’m about to enter the final year of the golden decade and decisions have to made. See, it was my original intention that once I have written about the last album of 1989, that my mission would be accomplished, that I would not carry on past the golden decade. Oh, I would still write posts, I have many ideas for top ten lists and other relevant material and I would continue to report on any concerts I go to and other happenings. For example, many of the great rock and metal artists will continue to leave the mortal realm for Rock Heaven but the history tour would be over.

Since I have stated this, some of you out there want me to carry on into the 1990s and beyond. Let me say that I am truly flattered. Part of me wants to carry on but there is a huge part of me that has reservations about it. After the 80s ended, my lust for great music took a back seat as I had what some people might call ‘real responsibilities.’ A wife and newborn child will do that to a person, especially as my then wife told me that I should stop being a prat and grow up, her exact words. As a result, my musical knowledge of the decade isn’t very good. I know there were many good albums, my sister would send me tapes of songs from different bands every Christmas and birthday right up to 1997. Therefore, I could do it.

Let me dispel one myth that many of you don’t know about. Back then, some people wrongly assumed that my seeming lack of interest in music was down to my conversion to the Mormon faith in late 1989. That could be nothing further from the truth. When I was investigating the church, I came right out and asked the missionaries that if I joined, would I be expected to burn all my AC/DC albums. One missionary responded, “No, but if you feel so inclined, you can give them to me.” But that’s all irrelevant. Besides, I went completely off the rails for a little bit when my marriage ended in 2000 and as a result, I was excommunicated.

Therefore, I am asking all of you, my readers, as to what I should do. Shall I keep posting about albums beyond 1989 or shall I just leave it with the great memories of the golden decade? As I try to put out two posts a week, I could cut it down to one post or even three posts every two weeks. That might take some of the pressure off. Again, your input is needed here.

Let me say, that I have always felt welcome here in the blogging community. I have enjoyed reading your posts and gaining new knowledge and insights into music. This is why I am asking your opinions as they do matter to me.

With that note, thanks to Mike Ladano for telling me how I can upload videos I took at concerts, I will leave you with three I took ages ago. I apologize in advance for the poor quality in sound from the two Download videos.

Kreator- Download 2018

Ozzy- Download 2018

Hannah Wicklund, Bristol UK, 2019

Next post: Original vs. Cover- Aerosmith and Testament

To buy Rock and Roll Children, email me at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

To sign the petition to give Bruce Dickinson a knighthood, click the link: https://www.change.org/p/special-honours-committees-for-knighthoods-a-knighthood-for-bruce-dickinson

Rest in Peace Randy Meisner

It is my sad duty to report that Randy Meisner, former bassist and co-founding member of The Eagles has passed away from complications from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He was 77. Being one of the founding members, Randy got to play on some of The Eagles’ best known songs such as “Take It Easy,” “One of These Nights” and “Take It To the Limit” and of course, the iconic “Hotel California” album. He left the band in 1977 and although his solo career wasn’t as successful as when he was in the Eagles, he did have some minor hits and played with such great musicians as James Taylor and former band mate, Joe Walsh.

The Eagles

For the full story, click the link: https://www.msn.com/en-gb/entertainment/music/founder-member-of-the-eagles-dies-after-years-of-personal-tragedy/ar-AA1esBTM?ocid=mailsignout&pc=U591&cvid=57358f02373a47d5a8f5a7d432baa2bc&ei=14

Rest in peace Randy. Rock heaven has a new addition and I hope he and Glenn Frey are already jamming away together.

Great Metal Albums of 1988: King Diamond- Them

Let me say straightaway that “Them” by King Diamond, in the sense of concept albums, isn’t as good as his previous album, “Abigail,” nor it’s partner in my ranking of heavy metal concept albums, Queensryche’s “Operation Mindcrime,” as joint favourites in this field. I will say that “Them” is definitely good enough to make King Diamond the king of heavy metal concept albums and up there as my favourite black metal artist. So, like I have done with previous concept albums, let’s have a look at the tracks and the stories they tell.

Track Listing:

1. Out of the Asylum- This short opening track sets the tone for the story. Backed up by some eerie horror movie like piano and keyboards, we hear the ghosts of the house waiting for the return of King’s (principal character), grandmother. They love the fact that Grandma’s room will be open and they’ll be free again. Besides, the ghosts do say she makes a good cup of tea.
2. Welcome Home- Some great guitar riffs and King’s unmistakable falsetto voice greet Grandma as she returns to her old house. Unknown to the grandchildren, Missy and King, who were told she was on vacation, she has been in a mental asylum. The lyrics are welcoming to Grandma at least but in the middle of the song, there are a couple of dynamite guitar solos. Furthermore, what I learned very recently was that this track along with “Invisible Guests” appear on the soundtrack of “Clerks II.” Note to self, I have to watch that movie.
3. Invisible Guests- Some really fast guitar riffs and an opening guitar solo, full marks to guitarists Pete Blakk and Andy LaRoque. King hears some strange voices and goes to investigate. He sees Grandma appearing to be having a tea party but no one is there. After inviting him in and letting him sit in her chair, she sends him back to bed and instructs him to forget what he say. All done between more wicked guitar solos, including a great trade off between Pete and Andy.
4. Tea- Power chords followed by a more melodic guitar sound bring in “Tea.” One night, Grandma awakens King and promises to tell him about the House of Amon over a cup of tea. She explains that Amon is the teapot with the power to take control or communicate with whoever drinks from it. The change in tempo from melodic to near speed metal stamp the song’s authority and yes, more cool guitar solos.
5. Mother’s Getting Weaker- Grandma cuts King’s sleeping mother’s hand as the voices, Them, require a blood sacrifice. The blood is added to the teapot and the voices affect King putting him into a drug effected state. Missy tries to get King to call for help but King is so addled that he refuses and cuts the phone line. The rhythm section keeps this track ticking along nicely but there are also some good drum fills
6. Bye, Bye Missy- At tea time, Missy expresses her concern about her mother resulting in Grandma attacking her. In retaliation, Missy breaks the teapot, thus angering Them. They take action and chop Missy into pieces with an axe and throw her remains onto the fire. The fast paced tempo, guitar riffs and guitar solos combined with King’s vocals make a song about chopping someone with an axe sound so good.
7. A Broken Spell- With their focus no longer on King, the spell is broken and he stumbles outside to recollect what has transpired. After another cool guitar solo, King realizes that ‘Their’ powers are weakened outside the house. Therefore, he lures Grandma outside and kills her. This track is at a faster tempo with a guitar solo tradeoff and a very amusing line at the end: “Oh, I hate that bitch!”
8. The Accusation Chair- King is arrested and questioned by the police. While being interrogated, the voice of Amon continues to haunt him. The tracks starts slow with a little keyboards and then picks up after the guitar solo.
9. Them- A brief acoustic number with the voices of “Them” calling out to King.
10. Twilight Symphony- A strong, steady riff and Mr. Diamond’s falsetto vocals bring in this track very nicely. We learn that after being questioned by the police, King is sent to an asylum. King Diamond’s ability to switch back and forth between his normal voice and falsetto has always been amazing and he demonstrates it here and there are more guitar solos.
11. Coming Home- The albums closes as it opens with a very short track. Years later, King is released from the asylum and returns to the old house to find the voices very much still alive.

King Diamond

King Diamond- lead vocals, keyboards, guitar

Andy LaRoque- guitar

Pete Blakk- guitar

Hal Patino- bass

Mikkey Dee- drums

Robert Falcao- keyboards

King Diamond gave us another brilliant concept album with “Them.” There are very few others who can tell such a story and put it to such great music.

Next post: Guns ‘N’ Roses- GNR Lies

To buy Rock and Roll Children, email me at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

To sign the petition for a knighthood for Bruce Dickinson, click the link: https://www.change.org/p/special-honours-committees-for-knighthoods-a-knighthood-for-bruce-dickinson?redirect=false

Gone and Done It!

There’s another objective achieved, another scratched off my ‘to do’ list. I spent the weekend in Paris and had a really nice time. My main objective, if you haven’t already guessed from the photo above, was to visit Jim Morrison’s grave. Unlike what you see in the film, “The Doors,” there is no graffiti around the grave and it’s now behind a fence. Thank God for mobile phone cameras which let you zoom it. Ever since I got to Europe 36 years ago, it was something I always wanted to do. Covid prevented me from doing so on my 60th birthday but now I’ve done it, hooray!

I don’t know who this derelict is standing in front of Jim’s grave. Oh wait, that’s me.

My daughter Rowena and future daughter in law, Eline

After my objective was achieved, I let my daughter and her fiance pretty much decide the rest of the weekend. On the Saturday, we spent several hours at The Louvre doing all the touristy things. We saw the obvious attractions, The Mona Lisa and the statue of Venus DeMilo as well as many other objects of fine art. A few years ago, I posted about my trip to the Philadelphia Art Museum but The Louvre eats that one for breakfast and lunch. Unless everyone really wants to see it, I won’t post all the photos from there but there was one painting, I can’t remember the artist, which really caught my eye. The reason was that the painting reminded my so much of the video for the song “Mystery” by Dio.

It’s always a mystery.

There are two other interesting happenings over the weekend which are worth me sharing. In my hotel room on the Friday night, I caught a French album show on TV. Most of them weren’t to my musical tastes until the last two. First of these was a band called Indochine. Judging from the video performance where they played to a packed out arena, they’re very big in France. Having just read their biography, this band has been around since the 1980s! Why haven’t I heard of them? They’re considered soft rock/new wave and they sounded quite good. Closing out the album show was a band I introduced last year, Maneskin, from Italy who won last year’s Eurovision Song Contest. The video was of their latest song, a power ballad called “Loneliness” and it’s very good.

Indochine

Måneskin during Rock am Ring at Nürburgring, Nürburg, Rheinland-Pfalz, Germany on 2022-06-03, Photo: Sven Mandel

As for the second happening, I feel that I would be letting everyone down if I hadn’t discovered a cool heavy metal bar while in Paris. Fortunately I did. It is called Le Black Dog and is located about five minutes walk from The Louvre. It’s not a very big place and unfortunately they were all booked up so we couldn’t sample the cuisine which is said to be very good. I did enjoy a new beer called Polar Dog and they played some great death metal. Another interesting note, there was one guy in the bar who could have been the result of a liaison between Lemmy and a female Motorhead fan. He did look a lot like him. So, if you’re in Paris, you know where to go for a good metal time. I just wished we could have stayed longer.

Patrons of Le Black Dog

My refreshing pint of Polar Dog

Some more cool decor, I took this photo from my stepson Teal

Overall, I had a great weekend in Paris and I hope you all enjoyed reading about it. At least, should you ever go there, you know of a great place to go to and yes, I didn’t have a bad meal the entire weekend.

Next post: Virgin Steele- Age of Consent

To buy Rock and Roll Children, email me at: tobychainsaw@hotmail.com

To sign the petition to give Bruce Dickinson a knighthood, click the link: https://www.change.org/p/special-honours-committees-for-knighthoods-a-knighthood-for-bruce-dickinson?redirect=false

Thank You All!

Today, Mrs 80smetalman along with her eldest son, youngest daughter and granddaughter and I made the 350 round trip to Sheffield Children’s Hospital to visit baby Paisley. I am happy to say that things are looking good. She’s on the mend and hopefully will be out of the hospital next week. From the bottom of our hearts, my wife and I would like to thank all of you for sending your prayers, thoughts and vibes.

Paisley today

Paisley with her step-grandfather